Anticlimactic Halloween

On this day at schools around the world, children dressed in costumes and celebrated Halloween. Last year, our whole ESOL department at Shanghai American School dressed as pirates. Here we are in all our swashbuckling glory:

Halloween Pirates 2008

This year, at my new school, I was the lone pirate. In fact, I was the only person – child or adult – who dressed up. I knew there wouldn’t be a parade or a party, but I just couldn’t let this most awesome holiday pass without digging into my costume box. I had lunch recess supervision duty at the basketball court, and I’d like to say the kids gathered ‘round and expressed their admiration for my unique form of individuality. In reality, they made fun of my “parrot,” a silver-sequined Christmas ornament that I wired to my shoulder seam, and tried to steal my plastic sword.

Supervision Duty

Not one to shy from the spotlight, I enjoyed all the stares and comments from kids, parents and other teachers. However, I felt a bit deflated in the cafeteria when a European teacher said in a rather surly voice, “That’s so AMERICAN.”
I wanted to respond with (ahem … cue the patriotic music, please), “Madam, if you are suggesting that my country has overpromoted this great holiday – a holiday that allows people of all shapes and sizes a reprieve from calorie counting and stress-related eating disorders … a holiday that fills our plastic pumpkins with unconditional joy … a holiday that gives ordinary citizens the freedom to dress in their most shocking, funny or slutty frocks … a holiday that cares not about religious affiliation, sexual orientation or political parties but only about uncensored silliness – if you are suggesting that my country has helped millions of people around the world discover the innocent chewy goodness of candy corn, the eerie yet satisfying glow of a jack-o-lantern at night, the ability of peeled grapes and cold wet spaghetti to trick unsuspecting haunted house guests, and the pheromonal qualities of a tight black cat costume … if you are implying that the United States is single-handedly responsible for the globalization of Halloween, well, then madam, I can only say I AM PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN!”
Instead, I lifted my eye patch and said with a whine, “This school is so LAME.”

7 thoughts on “Anticlimactic Halloween”

  1. Lame…totally lame. I went as Ryan K, Danka’s husband. I laughed, no one else got it.
    C

  2. Those were the golden days… Anyways, congrats on your bravery, matey! And as a European “lady” I have to say that Halloween is definitely among the top three things we got from you Americans, the other two being, of course, fleece and nylon.

  3. Ha! Great post Shaz! Good for you for wearing your costume. I did Halloween stories (complete with a vampire accent) and pumpkin activities all week, but I wore that same tiny witch’s hat with the Pippi Longstocking braids – now that’s LAME! This summer I’m going to get all the gear to be a cowgirl. I’m not sure how healthy it is to wear jeans in this heat, but it’s for the children!!!

  4. My red parrot also made it to school! We had an entire day filled with various activities, organized by yours truly! We even had a professional magician over! You should pick Quebec City as your next stop!

  5. Bonjour Sharon!

    This text is worthy of “La tirade du nez” in Cyrano de Bergerac (by Edmond Rostand) and is a lot more sofisticated than LA VACHE!

    Keep on writing!

    Salutations,
    Papa et Maman Garneau

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