Feelings About Footy

Working overseas with a diverse group of colleagues is a sure-fire way to discover how little you know.

Oh, I thought I knew about football. Kids (usually boys) play it in high school, decked out in lots of protective gear. After graduation, it becomes a spectator sport associated with terms such as “first down” and “10 yards to go” and “touchdown.”

Teaching abroad, I quickly found out that my understanding of “football” was limited to “American football,” a virtual nonentity beyond U.S. borders.

In Turkey, I learned that “football” meant “soccer.” Round ball, no downs, no yards, no hands, no pads. You score a goal, not a touchdown.

In China, I met quite a few Australians and New Zealanders for whom “football” meant rugby. Elliptical ball, forward kicking, backward passing, no protective gear. You score a try.

Now here we are in Laos, and I went to my first Australian Rules football game yesterday. This “football” was the most unfamiliar one yet. Oval field and ball. Lots and lots of running, bouncing the ball every few steps, passing with a volleyball-esque fist pop, four goalposts, brutal tackling (again, no protection; we Americans are such wussies). You score a goal or a behind.

Our local team, the Lao Elephants, had never trained together, and I heard that some of the guys were playing the sport for the first time. Their opponents, the Vietnam Swans, were a bit intimidating with their flashy uniforms and organized warm-up drills.

Aussie friends Kimbra and Simon sent their tips from Shanghai:

Our advice for the footy is swear a lot, call out “oh come on” a lot, call out “too high” a lot, call out “held ball” a lot, call out “ball” a lot and, when the player on the opposite team needs to concentrate, call out “chewy on your boot.”

I particularly liked that last one, although I didn’t understand it. I tried it out at a pub the night before the game … except that I botched it and said, “Chew on your booty!” The Australians at the pub assured me this was NOT something to yell at the game. After checking my e-mail again, I got the phrase right, and I was informed that it refers to “chewy” aka “chewing gum” being stuck on an opposing player’s “boot” aka “shoe,” thus mocking his inability to run. So much to learn, so little time.

My sports-flunky take on Aussie Rules: Like I do with most sporting events, I tended to chat with fellow spectators more than actually watch the game, and despite patient explanations from those around me, I couldn’t really follow the action or make any sense of the scorekeeping. However, I found it fast, exciting and entertaining. That’s more than I can say for American football.

For me, though, “footy” is still just a sock.

You might recognize a couple of the guys from the Team Dai photos. Pauly (back row, far left) and Paa (second row, far left) were on the support crew, and Adam (back, third from right) cycled with the team.

The nurse who usually attends these games apparently couldn’t make it. Ingrid, who works for ElefantAsia was put in charge, so she brought along an elephant first aid kit that they distribute to mahouts (elephant caretakers/trainers).