Paddle boats … are … stupid.

I’m sorry, but that’s the way I feel about them. Sure, they look like lots of fun. But then you pedal your little legs off out to the middle of the lake and then realize, oh right, you have to pedal BACK TO LAND. But your calves have turned to jell-o and you are about to have a heat stroke and a speedboat just zipped by creating a wake that nearly overturned your lame boat, and now no matter how hard you pedal you just catch air ’cause your boat is still getting whipped around by the waves and the paddle is more often than not NOT in the water.

So imagine my surprise when I returned to America this summer to find my mother had bought – you guessed it – a paddle boat!

Our home’s former owner, Janelle, visited last night and howled with nostalgia over the paddle boat. “Oh my Gawwwwd! We used to have so much fun in our paddle boat!” she screamed. “We’d paddle out with a few beers, me and my girlfriend, and then we’d get stuck out there and have to get towed back. And then they’d tow us too fast and we’d start to go under! It was greeeeeeaaat!”

I’m sure that was rad back in the early 80s, but it’s not the same when you’re no longer 16.

However, being the open-minded person that I am, I allowed my sisters (paddle boat defenders) to take me out for a little cruise. Beer-in-hand, I rode in back with Nico. I’m not too proud to say it was a splashin’ good time.

The nephews get excited at the prospect of a paddle boat ride.

Big strong John dumps the boat into the lake.

A swan family laughs at us.

The crew prepares to launch.

We have a little trouble getting out to sea.

Our lightning-esque speed made it tough for John to catch this shot.

How can you NOT like a boat that makes this boy so happy?